literally had 100 drinks last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
