Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
