HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
