why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
