I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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