Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
