don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
