you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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