Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
