What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
