He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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