so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
