How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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