I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
