i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize