I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
