Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
