So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
