my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
