Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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