a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
