...so i touched it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
