Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
