I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
