Your tits are I can't wait for
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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