Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've blown a few things in my day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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