she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it was like eating out sand paper
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
