I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
