Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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