And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
