If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
