I wish I could teleport
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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