So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
