The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
