I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just pee around me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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