Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
