I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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