all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
