I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
