his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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