arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How does one acquire holy water?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
