Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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