Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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