oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
