if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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