I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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