Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
