Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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