Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
