We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
