People with herpes should wear stickers.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
