based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
