he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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