my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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