I can text with my tongue
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who died my cat blue again?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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