why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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