i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
