I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
