just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
