If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
