Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
