when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
