i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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