is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
