the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
