shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
