he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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