im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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