it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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