Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
