i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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