You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
