He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
