There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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