How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
